


An Accidental Change of Pace

by The_Ravenclaw_Revolutionary



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aziraphale has no idea what is going on, Complete, Crowley is a mess, Crowley tempts people, Gen, M/M, Miracles, One Shot, Random & Short, The boys aren't really in a relationship but pretty much everyone but them thinks they are I guess, drinking buddies, oh also crowley swears once in a while, pretty much sums up the bullcrap, yeah..., yup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:54:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25870927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Ravenclaw_Revolutionary/pseuds/The_Ravenclaw_Revolutionary
Summary: Crowley and Aziraphale's 'professional meeting' is interrupted when Crowley realizes he's about forty days too late to tempt the so called 'Son of God'. Things go about as well as you'd expect from Crowley.------------------------Based off that one bible story of jesus being tempted in the desert or whatever. Idk. I was forced to go to church, have a short attention span, and can't think of anything from the bible without thinking of Good Omens because I'm obsessed.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23





	An Accidental Change of Pace

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry that the boys might be kinda out of character. First published fic in the fandom and I wrote in about a half hour. Also I had writer's block while writing but oh well. We don't wait for inspiration, we just fall like Crowley. This is the result of unfortunately being enrolled in a catholic school all my life and a the TOTALY good model Catholic child I am I now think of GO every time I go to mass now.

There were many things that Crowley enjoyed doing with his nearly infinite amount of free time. There were also many things Aziraphale enjoyed doing with his equally infinite amount of free time. At this particular time, neither thing happened to be each other. Instead, it was alcohol. Drinking extraordinary amounts of it and being what they thought was very discreet.

“Do… Do ya… Ngk. D’you think that you... you’d wanna do this again later this week Angel?” Crowley slurred, smiling messily over his newly invented sunglasses at his drinking partner who had just taken another sip. “Like… like… erm... Friday or somethin’?” Aziraphale set down his glass and pondered the question for a moment before shaking his head furiously, glancing around the bar for anyone who could be listening.

“No... no I mustn't,” he said nervously, obviously concluding that they were in no immediate danger. His fingers, Crowley noticed, were tracing anxious patterns onto the table. “We… we... really… No. We ought not to. I mean we really shouldn’t even be here now. After all, if my superiors found out we’d met…And I… I got somethin’ important to do any day now. That young man the Almighty sent for the humans, The 'son of God'? Joshua, no... Jesus, I think his name is?” Crowley nodded shortly, took another swig, and motioned for him to continue, wondering what that had to do with anything. Azriphale scanned the room again and lowered his voice to a whisper. “They haven't told me what yet, but I have to do something important for him I believe."

"Fuck," Crowley yelled, slamming his cup down onto the table so hard and fast that it spilled everywhere. With a small frown Aziraphale miracled the mess away. Crowley was surely too distracted for anything like that at the moment and Aziraphale hated for the staff to do more work than was required of them. "Fuck, fuck, shit, fuck, FUCK! I completely forgot… I gotta go. See ya 'round Angel." And with a slam of the door he left the pub.

“Right. Yes. Erm… see you around I guess," Aziraphale said, a bit confused, to the nearly empty room.

With a quick demonic miracle Crowley sobered himself up, straightened his glasses, and stormed off. This Jesus bloke was really messing with plans. Why couldn’t Hell get Beelzebub or some important demon that actually cared about anything really to tempt him. Hastur and Ligur would have killed the entire population of a small country or two for this so called honor. But no! As the only bloody demon on Earth it had to be him and he just happened to be the one demon who had other things he'd rather be doing.

“Ello,” Crowley said from where he appeared, materializing himself already leaning casually against a nearby rock. If he _had_ to do this, and he was fairly sure he had to, he could at least look impressive doing it. “It’s been what, forty days now? Yeah. Somethin’ like that. Sorry, not sorry that I kept you waiting, but I had other things I was occupied with. You’re that Jesus kid ‘m guessing?” The young middle-eastern man in front of him nodded slowly, and absentmindedly ran his fingers through his long dark hair as if not quite sure how to respond. Crowley took it as an invitation to keep talking. “ “Oh come on! You’re not so holier-than-thou that you’re not going to talk to me are you? I’ve got places to go, demon things to do!” Still Jesus said nothing. “Right... So. You humans have to eat and you’ve been here for... however long I forgot and didn't care to think about you. I can turn those rocks into bread for you.” 

He snapped his fingers theatrically, momentarily transforming the rocks into freshly baked loaves of bread. The snap wasn't necessary, but hopefully it would add to the effect he was aiming for. With a grin he snapped again, changing them back to the rocks they'd been before. With that he paused and looked at the young man across from him. "Well I suppose you COULD do that yourself, couldn't you. Being the son of the Almighty and all that. That _IS_ something you can do right? Make these stones into bread, or whatever it is humans eat these days. Personally, I don't eat. Don't really see the appeal. But Azira- er... my ah... friend... sorry... _acquaintance_ does." For the first time since Crowley had arrived, his companion spoke. It was a relief because Crowley wasn't sure if he'd pushed it to far with the sarcastic comments yet. Were they still witty or had it gotten to the point where they sort of became bland? He decided they were still witty.

"It is written that one does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.' I will not eat your devil food, foul creature." Crowley glared at the young man. He was used to being called many things like 'The Serpent of Eden' which he took as a complement, even if it was only the truth. However, foul creature was new and seemed a bit much, not that it wasn't at least partially true either. At least by heavenly' standards.

"What the fuck was that for? Name calling isn't all that holy of you. Practically a sin I think. And I haven't even started... oh. You thought that was me trying to tempt you? Please. I have much fuckin' higher standards than _that._ Just you wait." Jesus looked at him passively. There was almost no emotion on his face. This offended Crowley, who had wanted to be at least a little impressive. Not, he told himself, that it really mattered. No. Not at all. "Anyway," he said, trying to keep his tone light and conversational. Perhaps the sarcasm was a touch too much. "How 'bout a little change of scenery?" With another unnecessary snap of his fingers he brought them to the top of Jerusalem's temple.

"What are you doing now," Jesus asked, curious against his better judgement. 

"Changing the scenery," Crowley responded dryly as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, all previous thoughts on sarcasm immediately forgotten. "What did I just say? And don't worry. No one can see us. At least not really. Consider that a little demonic blessing if you will."

"I don't want it," Jesus protested. "I appreciate your concern, but take us back please. And the words demonic and miracle don't seem to go together." Crowley ignored him. He had gotten rather good at ignoring things and people over the centuries.

"On a completely unrelated note I think you should jump. Right of the edge. Not that I really want you to die or anything. I mean wouldn't care either way," he quickly supplied, making sure he didn't come off as friendly. "But it _would_ really help me make sure I've got the right 'Son of God' or whatever. I know it says somewhere in that stupid sacred text Azir- er my acquaintance from before reads, that if you do that then angels are supposedly going to catch you. Something about not letting your foot dash against a rock or something."

“Again it is written, 'You shall not put the Lord, your God, to the test'. You will never win Raphael, once an Angel of the Almighty.”

"Huh," Crowley said, grimacing for a millisecond and pushing down the painful memories of days before the fall. He recovered quickly and concealed it with a half smirk. "That... that's a name I haven't heard in millennia. I'm surprised anyone remembers it. Too bloody pretentious to suit me. But the thing is I can't very well put the 'Lord my God' to the test if I'm fallen. I don't really have much of a god anymore." Jesus pursed his lips and crossed his arms but said nothing. Clearly Crowley had a point, even if he didn't want to admit it. For the third and final time that day Crowley snapped his fingers and brought the two of them back to the desert they originally started in. "Right. Well this is the tempting bit I'm supposed to do. Legally required and all that shit."

"Must you use such crude language demon?" Crowley rolled his eyes behind the sunglasses.

"Yes. Shit, fuck, damn, and all that fun bullshit! Plus I have a name. Not one that I'm telling _you_ , but I have one all the same. Now shut the hell up and let me do my thing." Jesus sighed but let him continue. "So if you'd look over there you'll see all the kingdoms in the whole bloody world. I'm supposed to tell you that we'll give you all of them, if you just worship Satan. That's all there is to it. And it's really not so bad. Not _if_ you get used to it." It was a desperate but required attempt. Crowley didn't really care whether Jesus said yes or no. If he said yes, there'd be a huge commendation waiting for him whenever he returned to Hell. If he said no they'd blame it on the fact that he was the son of the Almighty.

“Get away, demon! It is written: The Lord, your God, shall you worship and him alone shall you serve.” 

"Yeah. Thought that was gonna happen. Coulda gone worse I s'pose. See ya 'round kid. And just a warning. Things are gonna get a LOT worse for you after this. Just don't blame me for it. Pretty sure an angel's supposed to show up around here some time in the near future. He might be able to tel you 'bout the wild shit that's going to go down." With a final grin flashed in Jesus' direction and a wave of his hand for dramatic effect Crowley turned into his snake form for the first time in ages and slithered away. One hour and several minutes later a slightly flustered angel who had been on earth for quite some time arrived.

"Oh dear... I'm ever so sorry. I... I had something I had to finish doing. Did I... did I keep you waiting long Lord?" Jesus smiled kindly down at Aziraphale.

"No Principality Aziraphale. Not long. Come, sit. Let us eat." Beaming, Aziraphale sat beside the apparent savior of the world, who made a mental note about that 'something' the angel had mentioned. Jesus, son of the Almighty and savior of the Earth, would have bet everything then and there that Aziraphale's 'something' he'd been doing was the demon that had left. Unfortunately he would have lost. That particular event didn't occur until much later in history.


End file.
